The Time We Were Not in Love
Written Spring 2017
Twitching fingers strained our love.
Stitching splinters of broken trust.
Wishing, hinting; you’re not the one.
Broken, glinting; our shattered lust.
Remember when you told me you would
hold me the way that lovebirds should?
Forever, you said we’d always be,
but together that long would be awful lonely.
So, we have gone our own ways,
with no recollection of better days.
Just flashes of pictures of moments from
the time we were not in love.
Lifting hearts that fall back down,
like dying stars, you fall out.
Something taking these feelings now…
Wanting, waiting to turn around.
Remember when you told me back then
that time was all that could bring our end?
Forever, you had made it seem,
but I guess you only meant that we’re not made to be.
And so, we have gone our own ways,
with no recollection of better days.
Just flashes of pictures of moments from
the time we were not in love.
There are so many things you don’t know about me,
so many things that are secrets I keep.
I guess you could say that I knew all along
the flaws in our logic, how we would be wrong.
So, maybe it’s best our love didn’t last.
Who wants every second reflecting like glass
mistakes that were made that you want to forget?
The fact that you left, now I think that was best.
Remember when you said you could see
us holding hands as we walked by the sea?
Together, as if our life was a dream.
Forever; now that feels empty.
Which is why we have gone our own ways,
with no recollection of better days.
Just flashes of pictures of moments from
the time we were not in love.
This was written in 2017 after the worst breakup I ever had. This was actually a song, but music for me is just a hobby. So, the vocals/instrumentals will never see the light of day. However, I figured it was safe to share the lyrics if I called it poetry ;)
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Flaxen Sorrow
Written 2021
I don’t want to look at you
because you hurt me worst.
Even worse than who broke my heart,
your name sits like a curse.
Left me so dark,
you know who you are,
know about our scars.
It’s so hard,
break and fall apart,
think back to your yard.
We were kids.
We were just like this,
loving yet fighting,
flash bright but hurt like lightning.
It’s no surprise,
in your eyes,
I saw my destiny.
Compromise,
take the lies,
I felt you leading me,
but the blind led the blind,
moved slow,
the hands of time
left us there on the side.
Can’t take back what was mine
in your room.
Speckled carpet,
mine was blue.
Spilled green polish,
looked at you.
Sharing fears like best friends do.
But I guess our love
was a burden,
was too much.
What we shared
has been done,
years went like summer sun-
sets that we once forgot,
stood and watched from parking lots.
Oh, I hate you a lot,
but the hate will never wash
away the love we got.
Flaxen Sorrow,
I’ll forget you not.
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Another silly song about another silly person who used to be in my life :) It was written while reflecting on our time together. Life sure is strange…
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PEACE
Written Late Fall 2020
I want to be sober
because I only drank with you.
Now that we’re over,
drinking’s not fun to do.
You said you were leaving
after you threw your knife
and pushed over the table,
then cursed my whole life.
Said you hate me again—
must’ve been the ten thousandth time…
I said you shouldn’t be with me, then
you watched me break down and cry.
And I can’t verbalize all these things I’ve been thinking
You only have fun with me when you’re drinking
Watched our love grow and then die like the seasons
Ask why you feel for me, you can’t name a reason
I’m bent over backward doing everything I can
to make you happy, but you leave in the end
You’ve been searching online; everyone has their demons,
but I hope that you’re finding the peace you’ve been seeking.
I sleep all alone
because you’re in the living room
busy on your phone,
living like it’s only you.
Say I don’t appreciate
everything you do for me.
Say I’m selfish and you hate
everything I couldn’t be
Wondering why I don’t put my foot down
and keep hovering over glass.
I’d feel guilty if I left now;
just shatter all our past…
And I can’t verbalize all these things I’ve been thinking
You only have fun with me when you’re drinking
Watched our love grow and then die like the seasons
Ask why you feel for me, you can’t name a reason
I’m bent over backward doing everything I can
to make you happy, but you leave in the end
You’ve been searching online; everyone has their demons,
but I hope that you’re finding the peace you’ve been seeking
I guess I knew we’d fail,
but I’m not one to just never try.
I believe that love prevails,
but your love for me was all a lie…
And I can’t verbalize all these things I’ve been thinking
You never think of me when you’re not drinking.
Put up with all of your shit so you’d stay,
but you left anyway. Yeah, you left anyway.
And I’m bent over backward doing everything I can
to make myself happy, but I’m miserable again.
I’ve been searching online, fighting my demons,
but I hope you’re still finding the peace you’ve been seeking.
PS, this song was written after the moment that made me finally decide to start writing my current book. Not to romanticize tragedy, but sometimes, breaking points are truly destiny.
LUCES 